floccinaucinihilipilification
by sforzando
Summary: yes, the title is a word. it means "the estimation of something as worthless" if that insinuates anything... talks a bit about meryl's past then she is captured by the gung-ho guns, vash hasta rescue her, etc. etc.
1. Exordium

A/N: LUV N PEESE! Let's all pretend that Wolfwood didn't die and Vash didn't run off to shoot his brother. Pretend people, pretend.....

:: ::= thoughts

To give a brief synopsis... It's Meryl's birthday and she runs off to be alone cuz lotsa crap happened. She's kidnapped by an old friend/lover, Vash has to go save her and defeat his brother and two new guys... blah blah blah.... it'll be romance and action... hopefully... In any case, Meryl is OOC and feeling a bit suicidal... the *thing* that happened on her b-day ages ago will be revealed along with more of her *dark* past. Yes, I made up the history of her family and such so expect twisted things.

Disclaimer: I don't own Trigun or else I would have included more romance and blood. This story is mine, and I take responsibility for all its crap. :-)  
  
  
  


The rain pattered onto the ground in perpetual drops. Her black hair clung to her skin as she let the wetness caress her body. She walked in slow paces to soak in the weather. Her eyes were enveloped in an unfamiliar despondency, but they couldn't tell. No, Wolfwood and Millie were innocently flirting somewhere in the apartment, playing some card game. Vash, he was probably chasing some prostitute or obeying his ravenous stomach. That left her. Alone. Walking in the rain in solitude. She liked it.

Her hair was longer now, probably half-way down her back. But she always wore it up. She had beauty to its full potential, but she didn't bother to care. She gave up the cape and changed to a more fashionable wardrobe. She wore a sleeveless black dress that went a little above her knees. She grew more introspective and aware of her self-image; she hated it. In fact, she just wanted to shoot herself. She didn't know why she didn't, maybe she was just a coward afraid of the letters spelling s-u-i-c-i-d-e. Then again, it was that time of year again: her birthday. God she hated her birthday. Of course there was a reason that she never bothered to tell.

****

"Hey Millie?"

"Mmm? What is it Mr. Vash?"

"Where's Meryl? It's getting late."

"Oh, she's out for a walk. She said not to worry; she'd be back by supper."

"Oh, okay," Vash smiled and left Millie and Wolfwood to their game. He walked to the kitchen and rummaged through the cabinets. "Boy, I'm hungry. Let's see.....we've got... cookies... bread... water.... Oh man, we're outta' doughnuts! Better get to a store before everything closes."

The four of them had purchased a small house on the outskirts of May City. Living in the same house had its perks and its downs. One of the downs was that gluttons inhabited the abode. That meant food was binged and gone the day it was brought back.

"I'm going out, be right back!" He called. There were giggles in the other room so he took that as a response.

Vash walked along the sandy road, looking for any sign of a convenient store. He hummed happily as he strode along. A flash of black passed him. "Meryl?"

She turned to look at him, her eyes a bit pink and puffy. "Oh, hey Vash..." she muttered. 

"Where have ya been?" He smiled.

"Walking." She replied shortly and perambulated off. 

::She's been acting strange lately...Oh well.:: "Oooh! Grocery store! SCORE!" 

****

Vash came home with a bulging bag of donuts. He grinned playfully as he chewed on one, savoring each bite. "Did you guys make dinner yet?"

"It's almost ready!" Millie called from the kitchen. "Hand me the oven mitt, would you Wolfwood?"

Vash smiled at their intimacy but gaged as a burning smoke wisped through the living room. "Geesh, what'd you guys make?"

Wolfwood poked his head out. "We TRIED to make macaroni and cookies." He smiled sheepishly. "When you flip six over it kinda looks like a nine...Common mistake, ne?"

Vash was about to respond when Meryl brushed past him and into the kitchen.

"Hey Senpai! When'd you get back?" Vash heard Millie ask.

"I was just in my room." Meryl responded with no emotion. 

As Millie and Wolfwood set up the table, Meryl and Vash seated themselves. 

"Still looks good!" Vash smiled as he looked at the rotting black slivers of noodles. He looked at the coal-like cookies. "Smells great too!"

"Thanks!" Millie beamed. "We had a wonderful time today! Cards, cooking, it was great!" 

The corners of Wolfwood's lips slightly curved into a smile. "Sure was."

Meryl sighed inwardly and poked at her food. Vash noticed her silence and awkward behavior. He was about to say something when she excused herself from the table. "I'm not very hungry." She muttered. He watched as she walked briskly to her room. Even without seeing her face, he knew something was wrong.

"What's up with her?" He asked quietly once he made sure Meryl couldn't hear.

"It's her birthday tomorrow," Millie said without looking up from her plate.

"Isn't that supposed to make you happy?" 

"Something happened on that day. Senpai's never told me what it was, just that it really hurt her."

"I see..." Vash frowned. "I'll go check on her." He stood up and walked silently towards her room, listening intently for any noise from within the room. Oddly, there were no sobs; no signs of Meryl's presence at all. "Meryl? You there?" He called.

There was a shuffling as he heard a drawer open and close. "Coming." She replied with a soft tone. She opened the door and stepped outside. "Anything wrong Vash?" She smiled superficially. 

He smiled back but then eyed red on her wrists. "Um, just checking on you. Everything okay?"

"Everything.... everything's perfect." Meryl held her hands behind her back and smiled again. "If you don't mind, I'm going to sleep now." She closed the door before he could reply.

"Good night." Vash whispered as he strode back to his dinner.

****

Meryl leaned against the door after she closed it. She winced as she fingered the cuts on her wrists. Walking to her desk, she opened the drawer and took out the knife. She wiped off the scarlet blood and placed the knife back in her drawer. 

Meryl picked up a small picture frame holding two moments of felicity. The first was of her whole family: her, her mother and father, and her two brothers. The second was of her in a school play dressed as Cinderella. She smiled sadly as two drops of wetness landed on the icy glass of the frame.

She stood up, lifted her wallet and placed a note on her desk. She sat silently on her bed as she awaited the retiring of the rest of the crew.

****

"So what was up with her?" Wolfwood asked nonchalantly.

"Everything. Besides looking depressed and trying to cover it up, there was blood dripping from her wrists." Vash sighed. 

"Just don't worry about her." Millie said rather coldly.

Vash and Wolfwood were surprised. "And why is that? Don't you care about her?" Wolfwood asked, looking appalled.

"She's always like this this time of year. She needs to be alone." Millie replied. 

Vash shrugged. "Guess you're right. But the blood scared the hell out of me. I would listen to you if I hadn't known that she was cutting herself..."

Millie sighed. "The best thing to do is to leave her alone. If she can't even tell me what happened on her birthday, there's no way she can be comforted." Her fists tightened as she bemoaned her sempai.

****

Wolfwood and Millie were sound asleep by twelve-ish, and Vash was supposedly asleep by eleven-thirty.

Meryl opened her door silently and crept down the hall. The floorboards creaked and she winced at their loud noise. She reached the front door and put her hand on the doorknob when she heard a noise from the kitchen. She paused and watched as Vash walked out with a glass of milk. "What are you doing up this late Meryl?" He rubbed his eyes.

"Couldn't sleep. I'm gonna take another walk." Meryl opened the door and started to close it. Vash stupidly stuck his hand in the way and howled as it was compressed. 

"Vash! Keep it down! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Meryl tried calming him.

"That HURT!" Vash cried. 

Meryl sighed and kneeled down to rub his hand. "Feel better?"

Vash smiled weakly. "A little."

Meryl stood up. "I'll see you later." She turned around.

"Wait! I'll go with you!" Vash smiled happily, jumping up.

"I'm a big girl. I can walk alone." 

Vash sensed a sadness in her tone and took her wrist. "You're not coming back by the morning are you?"

Meryl looked at him. She couldn't lie, at least not to Vash. "No," she whispered. "I have something important to do alone. Please understand that." She broke free of his grasp and walked grimly away.

"Meryl..." Vash muttered as he watched her figure disappear near the train station.

****

Meryl sat on the sand steamer and stared out the winder. 

"You are now aboard Sand Steamer No.369 heading from May City to Hillsbourge. Welcome and please enjoy the ride." An announcer flared from a nearby speaker.

Meryl sighed and watched the nearby city where her friends lay sleeping grow into dim outlines of light. She was planning on coming back in a few days, but the cause of the situation she could not share. 

"May I sit here?" A male voice inquired.

"Certainly." Meryl moved her bags from the adjacent seat and stared back out the window. The sun was creeping up from the horizon and the sky was painted in iridescent colors.

"Sure is pretty." The man said.

Meryl nodded. He had a familiar voice, but she couldn't quite put her finger on who he was. "Why are you heading out to the middle of no where?" she asked.

"Hillsbourge? Eh... business..." 

"I see." Meryl was tempted to look at his face, but that would be rather rude.  
  
"Why you headin' there miss?" 

"Oh, I don't know. I always feel compelled to this time of year." It wasn't a lie. She always wanted to go back home, but she couldn't tell him the reason.

"Why?" The dreaded question was raised.

Meryl shrugged. 

"I see. Well, sounds like you're hiding something Miss."

"No."

"Bad memory?"

Meryl nodded reluctantly. It was odd, but the man had this aura that said 'Don't lie to me.'

There was a period of silence. Then, "Is it because of that one year? Or is it because of what happened after?"

Whoever this man was didn't have a right to know so much. ::What did he think he was!?:: "Who the hell are you mister?" she started angrily. Her eyes widened as she remembered a name. "Kyo...?" She turned to face him with tears. She recognized his face and threw her arms around his neck. "Where did you go after you left? What have you been doing all these years?" Meryl smiled through the cascades of sorrow. She noticed that he didn't return her embrace.

"Well Meryl, it's good to see you too," He smiled sadly. "I-I'm sorry...." he whispered. After a sudden pang in the back of Meryl's head, and she was helpless in his arms again...

****

Vash rolled around restlessly on his bed as dawn seeped through his curtains. 

"Mr. Vash? Breakfast is ready!" Millie chirped, poking her head through his door. 

"Be right there!" Vash called.

He got dressed and walked silently to the dining room. Sitting down, he put his face in his hands. "I had the most awful night of my life..." He muttered. 

"How so?" Wolfwood asked flippantly.

"Couldn't sleep." 

"That's too bad," Millie said. "I had the best dream! I don't remember what happened... but there was pudding and penguins and bananas and Wol-" she blushed before she could finish. "And, um, woolen....woolen sweaters...? Eheh...."

Wolfwood stifled a laugh and Vash smiled. He then remembered the enigma of Meryl. "Um, have you guys seen Meryl?"

Millie cocked her head. "She isn't in her room?"

"No, she went out for a walk last night. She didn't say when she would be back."

"That's strange..." Millie pondered. 

"Yea... Think we should go look for her?" Wolfwood suggested.

"And where exactly do we start?" Millie asked.

"Her room." Vash replied. He walked to her abode and opened the door, finding a note on her desk. "Hey guys, I think I found something."

Millie and Wolfwood hurried over and peered over his shoulders. 

"It says... 'Be back in a few days. If I'm not back by then you can start worrying.'" Vash read aloud.

"Then I say give the girl a few days," Wolfwood shrugged.

"Fine with me," Millie agreed.

Vash nodded. "I'll trust your judgment, for now."

****

"Wake up Meryl. It's our stop." Meryl was violently shaken.

"W-what?" Meryl struggled to sit up. After she saw Kyo, she regained a tough composure. "What the hell happened?"

He grabbed her wrist and roughly pulled her up. "Follow me or you'll be killed."

Meryl stared at the man in front of her. He couldn't be Kyo.... the Kyo that she played with as a child; Kyo, her best friend; Kyo, her refuge; Kyo, the one she loved; Kyo, the one that left her that one year... No, this wasn't him. 

As she kept staring, he pulled her along. "We're walking through the desert. Don't complain. And stop staring."

Meryl shook her head. "Sorry," she murmured. ::He has the same bed-head brown hair, but his eyes... they're so...so icy. It's like his heart was frozen over...:: "Please don't touch me," she struggled out of his grasp. He let go, and she fell backwards. She quickly stood and ran to catch up with his fast pace.

It was silent for about two hours, but Meryl appreciated it. She thought about trying to escape or screaming like hell for help, but it would have been futile. The sun was beating down hard, and Meryl's deprivation of food for the past three days didn't help. Her legs felt weaker than normal as she trudged along. Keeping up with his pace was hard; she'd be the first to admit that. It felt like hell, but she kept silent.

Meryl started to lag behind, but Kyo kept striding along. The world became blurry, and her head was dizzy. Still, she kept silent and walked. 

Kyo turned to look at her. He stopped for a bit to give her a chance to catch up, but he didn't say a word. Meryl tried to run, but her legs gave out. Kyo walked over, and she expected him to kick her or something, but her picked her up somewhat gently and placed her on his back. He lifted her legs and said, "We're almost there. Can you hold on to my shoulders?"

Meryl nodded and meekly gripped on. "You've changed Kyo."

"I know."

"You're a Gung-ho gun member, aren't you?"

Kyo didn't answer; just looked ahead into the distance.

"I'm not letting you hurt Vash. I know that's what you're after." 

Kyo felt her grasp tighten. "You've changed too," he said, changing the subject.

"How so?"

Kyo chuckled. "You used to be so independent."

"Independent!? I see where this is going. I can walk fine by myself. If you don't think I'm capable of walking then I suggest you put me down right now!" She fumed.

Kyo smiled and dropped her. 

Meryl let out a squeal at the suddenness of his actions. She glared at him and struggled up. She tried walking again but fell. Kyo caught her and chuckled. "I know you've been under the weather Meryl. Just let me carry you, I won't think any less of you than I did before." 

Meryl sighed and clung onto his shoulder. 

"When I said independent, I meant you didn't allow yourself to....to love."

Meryl's eyes widened at his words. 

"You love him, don't you?"

"V-Vash?"

Kyo didn't answer.

"O-of course n-not! Love him as a friend, yes. Otherwise, no." Meryl flushed. "And even if I did, he wasn't my first."

"Was I your first?"

Meryl was in an awkward situation. "H-hai," she said hesitantly.

Kyo smiled.

"It makes me sad that you didn't remember," Meryl said wearily.

He was about to answer when he heard her calm breathing. She needed the sleep, so he wouldn't bother her.  
  


A/N: ELLO! ma first trigun fanfic. Its only the first chappie, so if u want more, plz review. (But don't be too harsh ^^;;) it's only the beginning, it will *hopefully* get more interesting......w/ romance... ^_^   
  


side note- IMMA GOING TO ANIME-MID ATLANTIC N OTAKON DRESSED AS A VASH WHO FELL INTO THE SAME CHYNEEZE POOL AS RANMA DID! :-) hope to see any ov u there!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Antecedent

"perfect by nature  
icons of self indulgence  
just what we all need  
more lies about a world that  
never was and never will be  
have you no shame don't you see me  
you know you've got everybody fooled...

never was and never will be  
you don't know how you've betrayed me  
and somehow you've got everybody fooled

without the mask where will you hide  
can't find yourself lost in your lie...   
it never was and never will be  
you're not real and you can't save me  
somehow now you're everybody's fool" ~evanescence  
  


She wriggled her toes in the sand and giggled. "No silly, Thomases don't lay eggs!"

The boy sitting next to her was quite befuddled. "Yuh huh! If dey don't lay eggs then where do da baby Thomases come from!?"

"They come from... hmmm.... well, I dunno. But they don't lay eggs. Only gooses and chickens lay eggs!" She laughed again.

The boy was disconcerted, "But Meryl!!" Stuck on how else to argue, he ceased. 

Meryl, a girl of about seven, looked at his perturbed face and then at the setting sun. "The sun's going to bed so I think I have to go, Kyo."

"Will you, um, watch it set with me?" The boy blushed slightly. "Er, I mean if you're not busy or anything..."

She was a bit surprised. He seemed a bit tense for someone she had known for a long time. "I'd love to," she smiled. She started counting down the epoch before darkness. "Three.......two.............ONE!!" She exclaimed. The sky faded into iridescent colors and diverse patterns"That was sure pretty! We should watch it again tomorrow."

"That sounds good," Kyo looked at the sky void of a sun which was like his home, the abode void of a mother. He only had his Daddy, and whenever it was dark, his daddy would leave and come back angry and indignant. Daddy's face would be red, and he would curse and kick at Kyo. No, Kyo didn't want to go home. It would just be his dad and him, and he'd have to cry again like every other night. Kyo wanted to stay with Meryl and play with her all day. She was his best and only friend for many reasons. 

He remembered as he sped out of his house one night after a pugnacious beating. He had inadvertently run into a young girl carrying groceries, knocking her over as she spilled the bulky bags.

"Sowwie," he sniffed as he helped her pick them up.

"That's okie dokie."The girl smiled but was confused at his puffy eyes. "You're crying. Are you okay?"

"Nothing," he wiped his face with a sleeve. "Sorry fur knocking your stuff down." He got up and continued running, leaving the girl addled. She dropped the groceries that she and the boy had meticulously picked up and followed him surreptitiously. A man had suddenly seized the boy as he reached the outskirts of town. She watched as he was cruelly thrown to the ground and kicked. She winced at his pains, and she cried with him. "Stop it," she whispered. "STOP IT!" She instinctively ran to him and stood in the way of his father. "Stop it, you're hurting him!" she screamed. 

"Get out of the way kid! He's been.... bad....my son....he must be p-punished!" He smiled as he spoke incoherently in slurs, swaying a bit in stature. He kicked the girl to the side, and she held her stomach in pain. The boy was flabbergasted (A/N: great word ^_^) at her actions and rose to his feet. "Leave her alone!"

The man smiled sadistically. He was about to launch another kick when he suddenly collapsed.

The boy breathed heavily and fell to his knees, clutching his wounds. The girl stood up slowly and stumbled to his father. "Is he sick?" she asked him. The boy, who was glaring at the fallen man, broke out of his gaze and nodded. She had dark navy hair that and grey, comforting eyes. "He needs help... could you help carry him?" she asked.

He shook his head violently. "He doesn't deserve it!" He cried in a paroxysm.

The girl was surprised. "He needs help, that's all that matters. Where's your house?"

The boy sniffed, ".... You're gonna help him....?"

The girl smiled. "Yep."

Kyo stared at the ground. "It's over that hill," he replied reluctantly.

"Is it far?"

"No."

"Can we take him there?"

The seven-year-old boy feebly nodded. The two slowly dragged the man to the home propped him against a wall. "I'll get a doctor," the girl breathed heavily from the work. She trotted down the sandy hill. About an hour later, a venerable old doctor came to examine Kyo's father. The boy wanted to thank the girl, but she didn't return.

The next day, his father was brought to the hospital. Kyo sat in a rocking chair on his front porch when he saw the young girl running up the hill, waving enthusiastically. She brought him a fruit basket and some other provisions. "Is your daddy better?" she asked.

Kyo nodded as he chugged a loaf of bread. 

"That's good," she smiled brightly. "Do you want to play?"

Kyo was surprised at her supplication. "Play?"

"You know, like on the swings and stuff!" she continued to smile. "We can be friends!"

Kyo gulped the food he was chewing on. "Friends?"

The girl nodded and took his hand. "Let's go!"

Kyo smiled at the retrospect of their meeting. It had been a year since that incident. "I'm glad you're my friend, Meryl," he said suddenly.

The girl was a bit surprised but nonetheless smiled back, "I'm glad you're my friend too!" She stood up. "Well, I hafta go now, see ya tomorrow!" And with that, she scampered away.  
  


***  
  
Kyo sighed as he reminisced his happy days. Meryl had taught him so much, even how to restrain tears...

***  


A fourteen year old Kyo hugged his knees as he sat on a precipice. He quivered and shook violently until a gentle hand came to rest on his shoulder. "Kyo, you're crying again..." A voice whispered sadly in his ear.

"Meryl...it hurts...so much..." he choked through tears. He felt her arms wrap around him. "I know," she said. 

Kyo calmed down a bit as her voice soothed his agitation. "Thank you..."

Meryl smiled. "You know, boy's aren't supposed to cry," she prodded playfully.

Kyo felt the corners of his lips rise. "I can't help it."

"Well, if you turn yourself upside down, the tears won't come out.*"

***

Kyo looked into the distance as the faint outline of a ship came into view. He gently set down a reposed Meryl. "Wake up, you have to walk the rest of the way," he persistently shook her.

Meryl rubbed her eyes and sat up. "Why?"

"Because I was supposed to be stoic."

Meryl sighed and tagged behind his long strides. She stared in awe as they approached a grandiose ship. A metallic door opened outward accordingly and they stepped inside. A consuming darkness propagated as the door shut behind them. She felt herself tense up as she hurried closer to Kyo. He noticed this and phlegmatically walked away from her.

"I have brought her, Master," he aloofly said.

A man with blue hair and golden, piercing eyes appeared. "Excellent Kyo. Please dispose of her in the bastille."

Kyo bowed and escorted Meryl callously to a cell passages away from the entrance. Her threw her in the secluded, stone room as his father had thrown him. He saw the look of despondency flicker in her eyes, but he just smiled, waved, and left.

As Kyo perambulated through the hall as Legato's voice echoed in his mind. ::Don't let your feelings interfere, although you should have long rid of them.:: He reached an abstracted chamber and faced a wall. Slowly putting his hands on the ground, he lifted his body and used the wall as a support to hold his inverted form. 

***

A man on the steamer No. 369 walked past an empty aisle. In fact, he had walked past it several times, a purse was still there, but there was no trace of the passenger to whom the item belonged to. The train was now full, and every seat had to be taken. In any case, no one in their right mind would leave a purse for the taking. He decided to examine the purse; human curiosity is extremely susceptible to the cryptic. After surfacing through the interior items for just a short period (as he might be postulated as a thief) there was a letter found addressed to Mr. Vash the Stampede.

This no doubtedly aroused his chief attention. He read the letter with great fervor and found that it was concerned with a trip which the writer was to be absent no more than two days from. It was not finished, but the address of the Humanoid Typhoon was printed neatly on top. The gentleman quickly gathered his hat and hustled to the conductor.   


***

There was an incessant knocking on the door. Vash rose from the sofa and answered it with a shallow smile. "Hello, may I help you?"

"Mr. Vash the Stampede?" A short, stalky bald man in a navy business suit wiped his forehead with a handkerchief. 

"This residence belongs to the Bernandelli Insurance Society actually. What can I do for you sir?" Vash smiled.

"I need to speak to Vash, Vash the Stampede," the man replied curtly.

"And why may I ask?"

"I have a letter for him."

"I'll bring it to him," Vash smiled and graciously accepted the letter. "Thanks!"

As Vash was about to close the door, the man insinuated a last thought, "Don't do what I did**: Don't let her go."

"What?" Vash peeped out the door but there was no longer any trace of the man. "That's odd. Wonder what he meant..."

He read through the letter and inferred that it was from Meryl. He was alarmed at why it was not finished but more importantly, he was hysterical when the name "Kyo" was signed on the bottom alongside the vice words "Gung-ho Gun" which were inscribed crudely. "Don't let her go..." the man's voice screamed in his head.

He could feel something stirring, but remorse rendered it static.  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"Security puts a premium on feebleness."~H.G. Wells   
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  


A/N: Ahhh, a short chappie. I just had to update, I had absolutely no hw today, quite an oddity. Yes, I know that a lot of people are OOC , I apologize. But hey, I can screw with Kyo all I want because I made him up. I didn't bother rechecking the latter part of the chapter for grammatical errors, so if you see anything please kindly point it out. 

To the reviewers: thanks for reading!! You guys make my day ^_^ luv n peese!

Also, to the flamers: I enjoyed your constructive criticisms. I'm sorry I wasn't quite up to your criterion. When I have time, I'll fix it up. :-) No hard feelings?  
  
  
  


References:

* Meteor Garden- I got the idea from a helluva cute chinese soap opera ~snickers~ It's about this group in college, F4, and this one guy liked this one girl a lot but she was always away (she was a supermodel) but he lived by her advice for all his life to stand upside down whenever he wanted to cry...

** "A Summer's Reading"- the infamous and accused Lit. story we were forced to read. "Don't do what I did." is the one quote from the story that I liked. However, don't read the story.. it was pointless and insulting to human intelligence...-_-

  
  
  
  
  



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